A Little Testimony
I sent most of this out on an email tonight, but I thought I'd put some of it up here too.
Vox rocks. He's as smart as a whip and about as merciful to dolts of all sorts. He turned me onto the Austrian School of Economics (www.vonmises.org and Murray Rothbard's books). The Christian aspect of his writing has intrigued me for a few years now. Even though I wasn't a believer, I could appreciate his POV. Mostly because almost every other exposure I had to church or Jesus seemed almost timid. As if they were worried about scaring me off with their conviction (if they had it) instead of conveying the Truth.
My last serious girlfriend was Christian and she did her best to testify to me, but my stubborness and skepticism won out and kept me from attending her church more than once. She wasn't adept at answering my confounding questions and I knew it hurt her to think of me dying without converting first. But I still resisted, even though between Vox and her, I kept having this nagging notion I should look deeper into it.
My life has been more or less stagnant since she dumped me on Valentines Day (!!!) a few years back and I've had a large number of setbacks personally over the 14 or so months. Last September, I made a motorcycle trip from Indianapolis to Boston. On the return trip, I found myself in a hotel room in upstate NY, completely depressed and scared. I started to read the free Bible in the room for some type of comfort, but my anger got the better of me. I ended up yelling at God instead. I'm pretty sure I swore a bit in there too. I got back to Indy and tried to forget that night as best I could.
Until a few weeks ago. The last month has made the previous 13 look fun and easy. Things just plain sucked.
Long story short (too late, I know) I found myself furious at my life and needing help. In the shower on Memorial Day weekend, I felt a weight driving me to my knees. I guess pride drove me to shake it off, even though I still had the nerve to ask God to send someone to help me out.
A little later that evening, I was doing some work on the house with my music cranked. During this one song there's this part where the band just stops. In that less than a second of silence, I heard the phone ringing. It was a very strangely-well-timed phone call from a friend that I've gotten quite close to lately. We talked a lot of things through and I felt much better before hanging up sometime in the AM.
But instead of going to sleep, I got on my knees and knocked on God's door. I asked him to let me to get to know and serve him (somehow). I also prayed for my family and friends, and for Him to help me with my health and sleep problems.
I woke up that morning, before my alarms went off. I felt wide awake and refreshed after just a few hours of sleep. That never happened before, though I had a repeat yesterday morning after asking for sleep help again.
Of course, I haven't attended church in the two Sundays since. And I have a nagging feeling that I'm going to be a really LOUSY Christian. I'm already lamenting all the self-destructive sinning in which I won't be able to indulge. I guess we all fall short of the mark.
But I have torn into the New Testament and am still reading it. (And the Songs of Solomon, at Nate's suggestion. Interesting... erotica in the Bible!) I feel different. I am still very aware of my problems, though they seem less able to provoke despair. I've also noticed that I really can't stand being dishonest - at all - anymore. And I'm more conscious of my quick-to-strike anger and impatience, if not containing them as much as I'd wish.
I just hope I can do something to be worthy of this gift and live a better life.
Vox rocks. He's as smart as a whip and about as merciful to dolts of all sorts. He turned me onto the Austrian School of Economics (www.vonmises.org and Murray Rothbard's books). The Christian aspect of his writing has intrigued me for a few years now. Even though I wasn't a believer, I could appreciate his POV. Mostly because almost every other exposure I had to church or Jesus seemed almost timid. As if they were worried about scaring me off with their conviction (if they had it) instead of conveying the Truth.
My last serious girlfriend was Christian and she did her best to testify to me, but my stubborness and skepticism won out and kept me from attending her church more than once. She wasn't adept at answering my confounding questions and I knew it hurt her to think of me dying without converting first. But I still resisted, even though between Vox and her, I kept having this nagging notion I should look deeper into it.
My life has been more or less stagnant since she dumped me on Valentines Day (!!!) a few years back and I've had a large number of setbacks personally over the 14 or so months. Last September, I made a motorcycle trip from Indianapolis to Boston. On the return trip, I found myself in a hotel room in upstate NY, completely depressed and scared. I started to read the free Bible in the room for some type of comfort, but my anger got the better of me. I ended up yelling at God instead. I'm pretty sure I swore a bit in there too. I got back to Indy and tried to forget that night as best I could.
Until a few weeks ago. The last month has made the previous 13 look fun and easy. Things just plain sucked.
Long story short (too late, I know) I found myself furious at my life and needing help. In the shower on Memorial Day weekend, I felt a weight driving me to my knees. I guess pride drove me to shake it off, even though I still had the nerve to ask God to send someone to help me out.
A little later that evening, I was doing some work on the house with my music cranked. During this one song there's this part where the band just stops. In that less than a second of silence, I heard the phone ringing. It was a very strangely-well-timed phone call from a friend that I've gotten quite close to lately. We talked a lot of things through and I felt much better before hanging up sometime in the AM.
But instead of going to sleep, I got on my knees and knocked on God's door. I asked him to let me to get to know and serve him (somehow). I also prayed for my family and friends, and for Him to help me with my health and sleep problems.
I woke up that morning, before my alarms went off. I felt wide awake and refreshed after just a few hours of sleep. That never happened before, though I had a repeat yesterday morning after asking for sleep help again.
Of course, I haven't attended church in the two Sundays since. And I have a nagging feeling that I'm going to be a really LOUSY Christian. I'm already lamenting all the self-destructive sinning in which I won't be able to indulge. I guess we all fall short of the mark.
But I have torn into the New Testament and am still reading it. (And the Songs of Solomon, at Nate's suggestion. Interesting... erotica in the Bible!) I feel different. I am still very aware of my problems, though they seem less able to provoke despair. I've also noticed that I really can't stand being dishonest - at all - anymore. And I'm more conscious of my quick-to-strike anger and impatience, if not containing them as much as I'd wish.
I just hope I can do something to be worthy of this gift and live a better life.
Labels: Faith
posted by mmaier2112 at 10:17 PM
16 Comments:
Congratulations! This is wonderful news! Praise God!
None of us can EVER be "worthy" of Jesus' sacrifice! Salvation is a gift we recieve by grace through faith, it's something we could never hope to "earn". That doesn't mean we can't strive to be "good and faithful servants".
I urge you to find a church home where Christ is worshipped and Scripture is believed, taught, and proclaimed from the pulpit.
Seek out the friendship of spiritually mature Christian men who will teach you, encourage you, hold you accountable, and pray with and over you.
Don't expect things to be "smooth sailing" from here on. Indeed, expect the opposite! As for temptations, you can expect the deceiver to step up his efforts (sounds like that's already happening). As a wise man once told me, "If you aren't crossing paths with the devil, it could be beacuse you're walking in the same direction!" Just remember that the battle is God's, not yours. Ask for His help. And remember that it's better to simply flee temptation than to stick around and slug it out. God will always provide an escape, if you're looking for one.
God bless... brother.
Luke
Thanks Luke. I truly appreciate the kind words.
I just linked to you, so try to keep it "PG" over here! ;-)
And don't feel bad- that lousy bourbon-swilling scallawag won't link to MY blog either!
"you can expect the deceiver to step up his efforts"
The devil is smarter than us. If you're like me, you don't like to trust your feelings, because you see a lot of stupidity issue from emotion. But in matters of faith, I have have found that I can trust my feelings, for the most part. Satan might outwit you, but he doesn't have your heart. It's the Holy Spirit. Use the force.
~~~
On a personal level, I would say that this post is really touching. I also am new to faith, and I have similar concerns as you express. We may stumble, but Jesus won't let us fall now that we've taken his hand.
What church are you attending?
"I just linked to you, so try to keep it "PG" over here! ;-) "
I really wouldn't count on that, dude. At all.
Your call.
It'll be fine. You're under New Management. ;-)
Thimscool, I must respectfully disagree about trusting one's heart. Look at Jeremiah 17:9-
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Proverbs 28:26 says: "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool".
Your heart will let you down in those "gray areas". But you are correct that the Holy Spirit will never steer you wrong.
Hmmm. Thanks Luke.
At first I sort of thought this was semantics, but I suspect that I need to think again.
My point was supposed to be that you can't out think the devil, but you can usually rely on what you feel is right, if you stop and... well, pray.
I guess it isn't the heart, it is God. It doesn't have to be intellectual is my point. You just have to ask for help.
Thanks again.
"What church are you attending?"
I'm not yet. I think I'm going to go to the Catholic church right up the street where my brother got married this Sunday. I have a friend that attends there.
I have a feeling I'll be picky about my church too. But we'll see.
That's awesome, Mike!
There's rejoicing in heaven (and here too for that matter). :)
"I have a feeling I'll be picky about my church too. But we'll see."
Nothing wrong with that, in fact I encourage you to be picky. In the mean time keep reading. See if the churches you visit measure up to His Word.
I'll keep praying...
Josh & Wendy: should I know who you are? Cuz I really don't.
If you found me from another blog, please let me know what it was.
Thanks.
I feel weird not knowing whence my visitors come.
Oops, sorry. I'm from Vox's and Nate's.
I don't often use my google account and sometimes forget to add my name.
Wendy
Cool. I just didn't recognize you, s'all.
Good to have you about. Hope my language doesn't offend too often.
Yeah, I'm from Vox's and Nate's as well.
Well, welcome!
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