Why do women DO that?
A guy meets a girl... things click well. She, he, or both eventually decides that things aren't going to work out but she "wants to remain friends".
I understand why. The girl doesn't want to seem the bitch and say "You're nice, but it's over and leave me alone!". Or she might actually and genuinely be interested in being friends. Or some other reason that makes sense only to females.
Here's the problem: You're never going to be the same "friend" to him that you were previously.
Here's why: You're a girl, interested in a guy. You call him eagerly. You get breathless seeing his name pop up on your cell phone display when he calls you. He HEARS that in your voice. Every time.
Trust me: I know. Because I often deliberately DO NOT answer the phone while playing Halo 2 with my brother, watching TV or even practicing on my drumpad. And when I hear it's HER voice leaving the message, more often than not I would not pick up anyway. (Hey, I'm BUSY!)
So I call the girl back when I was done with whatever. Maybe it's almost midnight or maybe just a few minutes after she left her message of "Just calling to say hi".
But... this is the magic: When she picks up when you DO call her back you hear in her voice that she was dying to hear from you, even if she doesn't say it outright. Which she probably will anyway.
You will NEVER get that same voice tone from a girl after she's written you off. EVER. She doesn't feel it that way anymore.
So the guy is wanting a friendship that he will NEVER GET BACK. BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER THERE TO BEGIN WITH. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS. SHE WANTED TO BE YOUR WIFE.
If they try to be friends, the guy gets pissed off because it's not the same. And the woman is sitting there wondering why her friendship isn't enough for him.
Vox wrote the other day "The delta between what they say and what girls do is why this won't work". That's totally applicable to this.
I even think women can have good intentions when they say they want to be friends.
But those intentions do no one any good because they simply don't work.
My life seems full of deja vu lately. Stupidly full of it, actually. I really can't believe I forgot this lesson. It's been painfully relearned.
I understand why. The girl doesn't want to seem the bitch and say "You're nice, but it's over and leave me alone!". Or she might actually and genuinely be interested in being friends. Or some other reason that makes sense only to females.
Here's the problem: You're never going to be the same "friend" to him that you were previously.
Here's why: You're a girl, interested in a guy. You call him eagerly. You get breathless seeing his name pop up on your cell phone display when he calls you. He HEARS that in your voice. Every time.
Trust me: I know. Because I often deliberately DO NOT answer the phone while playing Halo 2 with my brother, watching TV or even practicing on my drumpad. And when I hear it's HER voice leaving the message, more often than not I would not pick up anyway. (Hey, I'm BUSY!)
So I call the girl back when I was done with whatever. Maybe it's almost midnight or maybe just a few minutes after she left her message of "Just calling to say hi".
But... this is the magic: When she picks up when you DO call her back you hear in her voice that she was dying to hear from you, even if she doesn't say it outright. Which she probably will anyway.
You will NEVER get that same voice tone from a girl after she's written you off. EVER. She doesn't feel it that way anymore.
So the guy is wanting a friendship that he will NEVER GET BACK. BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER THERE TO BEGIN WITH. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS. SHE WANTED TO BE YOUR WIFE.
If they try to be friends, the guy gets pissed off because it's not the same. And the woman is sitting there wondering why her friendship isn't enough for him.
Vox wrote the other day "The delta between what they say and what girls do is why this won't work". That's totally applicable to this.
I even think women can have good intentions when they say they want to be friends.
But those intentions do no one any good because they simply don't work.
My life seems full of deja vu lately. Stupidly full of it, actually. I really can't believe I forgot this lesson. It's been painfully relearned.
Labels: women
posted by mmaier2112 at 7:53 PM
5 Comments:
Why do guys just blow girls off when they *guys* know that a girl is into them?? Girls don't want to lose the friendship, just because a relationship won't work...
Also, if it bothers you that she doesn't have the same giddiness, does that mean that you really did have feelings for her, but were too afraid to say something??
i don't know who you're referencing, but you also have to consider the guy's part in all of this....typically if you really like someone...fuck halo...talk to them for like 5 minutes, get your fix, and then continue to play.
but then again...i'm a girl...what the hell do i know? i'm always harsh anyways...right?
Well.. yeah. You are harsh.
Getting real for once instead of pretending to be abstract:
I had feelings. Strong ones. I wasn't afraid to say so.
As for Halo, etc... I'm BUSY! If someone doesn't call me back immediately, I don't care! And even more, leaving her wanting more works! I don't care what a woman says, when a guy's not immediately available 24/7 HE IS SEXIER TO HER!
Lie to me all you want. I know it's true. I've seen it with too many women. There might be one exception. The most recent one WASN'T ONE!
I didn't realize all of this until today at work: I didn't want to be her friend. At all. I thought I did. I was wrong. I wish I'd realized it sooner and said "No thanks" to the proffered friendship and just dealt with it. I wasn't that self-aware.
I'm sorry. I am less of a man than I wish I was.
Of course, were this not true I'd probably be married right now, to one great lady or another.
"Why do guys just blow girls off when they *guys* know that a girl is into them?? Girls don't want to lose the friendship, just because a relationship won't work..."
Well... this part... I'm going to be harsh here. (Seems to be a theme today...)
If a girl wants a guy and he doesn't wants her, what's in it for him to keep her as a friend?
If he's not into her, he's not into her. Why have some girl w/ an unrequited crush hanging around?
Unless he has some other reason for using her like maybe free movie tickets, meals, or she has lots of single hot friends he thinks he might have a chance with.
Really, if the girl wants to be with him but he doesn't want to be with her, deep down might she not just be hanging around hoping he'll change his mind later?
That girl is better off moving on. If he has feelings he's unaware of then maybe he'll wake up to that fact and come back.
Either way, the girl's better off.
In my recent case, vice versa would have applied too.
A "real" girl doesn't keep him as a friend, perhaps as an aquantance - not a close friend once they have dated.
If a woman keeps a man as a close friend it better be because she's looking for more; hell knows he is.
A "truthful" woman knows she can't control others feelings, and sometimes people get hurt, unintentionally. And allows this natural occurance to take place, however uncomfortable it might seem, for either of them.
Emotions aren't logical.
Life happens.
Feelings get hurt.
No body should feel responsible for "fixing" how others respond/feel/react.
Now, Mister Man, go get some ICE CREAM!
Nah, no ice cream. Just Bourbon.
Thanks for the words, though I still blame me more than her. I've just never dealt with my anger well.
Post a Comment
<< Home