Why Is This?
I feel like such an oversensitive wussy boy lately.
A lady at work lost her baby Thursday night, Friday morning. She was almost to term. In previous times passed, this wouldn't have fazed me much.
But since knocking on God's door, it seems my compassion is working overtime. I really, really wish it were not so. It's such a pain in the ass. Especially since I don't even know the lady, except to see her, know her name and think that she's a cute girl.
My pain over her loss does me no good whatsoever. Does HER no good whatsoever.
And yet, there I was last night, praying for her to overcome this loss. Begging God to help her with her pain and anger.
I wish I didn't feel this way. I'm sitting here, tears in my eyes, thinking of her pain... her loss... the incredible emptiness she must be feeling at the loss of something so dear and close to her heart. To have that baby inside of her, knowing that soon she'd get to meet that child, and then have it... just gone...
Terrified that one day... that could be my child, ready to be born but dying instead.
I honestly half wish I would just go back to being the cynical bastard I was just a few weeks ago. Just to spare myself this pain. This stupid, useless pain.
What's the point?
Really... I want to know.
A lady at work lost her baby Thursday night, Friday morning. She was almost to term. In previous times passed, this wouldn't have fazed me much.
But since knocking on God's door, it seems my compassion is working overtime. I really, really wish it were not so. It's such a pain in the ass. Especially since I don't even know the lady, except to see her, know her name and think that she's a cute girl.
My pain over her loss does me no good whatsoever. Does HER no good whatsoever.
And yet, there I was last night, praying for her to overcome this loss. Begging God to help her with her pain and anger.
I wish I didn't feel this way. I'm sitting here, tears in my eyes, thinking of her pain... her loss... the incredible emptiness she must be feeling at the loss of something so dear and close to her heart. To have that baby inside of her, knowing that soon she'd get to meet that child, and then have it... just gone...
Terrified that one day... that could be my child, ready to be born but dying instead.
I honestly half wish I would just go back to being the cynical bastard I was just a few weeks ago. Just to spare myself this pain. This stupid, useless pain.
What's the point?
Really... I want to know.
posted by mmaier2112 at 3:13 AM
4 Comments:
You, with that German-as-can-be surname, don't see any point to pain and suffering? ;)
Seriously, this is a sign of the great changes taking place in you. I told you it wasn't going to be easy. But, you'll see, it's worth it.
I hope you'll continue to pray for her. Would you give us this lady's first name, so we can pray for her too?
Well I've never seen her name so I have no idea how it's spelled, but it's pronounced "Low-am-eee".
Loami...is how it's spelled in Spanish. I knew a girl in Mexico with that name.
See, it helps if you respond BEFORE these posts are on the bottom of the page where I don't easily notice they have new comments.
If I didn't have email notification of replies, I wouldn't have ever read it.
But thanks anyway.
I wish I knew how she was doing, but last I heard she'd asked no one from work contact her.
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