Too Much Pussy At My House!
There I was the other night, on the phone with a crazy person while lying on my bed in the back of my house.
My front living room door and my side kitchen door were open for ventilation, but the outer doors were deadbolted.
I heard a clatter arising from my front porch. I was already carrying my Taurus PT145, so I told the crazy person to wait a second, put the phone down and walked to the living room. Gun drawn, safety off, finger off the trigger. (You have to maintain discipline, even in possible crisis situations.)
And it was a stupid cat! I think it was splotchy orange & white. How cats make that much noise is beyond me. I thought they were supposed to be stealthy. They never make that much noise when I'm looking to hit them with a baseball bat, let me tell ya.
So I told the crazy person about it and got laughed at. I told someone non-crazy (errr... maybe they are... it's likely up for debate) and they agreed those things must be taken seriously.
Cats LOVE disturbing me too. They frequently poop in the ground cover (I think it's Ivy, maybe there's some catnip mixed in?) next to my next-door neighbor's house which faces my kitchen door. Which as I mentioned I often keep open. They make so much noise in there, the first two times it happened I reached for my gun, thinking someone is screwing around in my driveway. Now I just yell at them, recognizing the sound.
And since I moved the PC onto the kitchen table, I keep seeing this B&W cat roaming my backyard. Over and over. Back and forth in my line of sight. And now it's got a grey kitten pal accompanying him/her.
I know they're not doing anything to deserve me hating them, but I do anyway. Hate them, that is. Stupid cats.
I bet if I put the badly-limping one that shows up from time to time out of its misery with my sledgehammer and hang its corpse up as a warning to others, they'll stop coming around.
Ya think?
My front living room door and my side kitchen door were open for ventilation, but the outer doors were deadbolted.
I heard a clatter arising from my front porch. I was already carrying my Taurus PT145, so I told the crazy person to wait a second, put the phone down and walked to the living room. Gun drawn, safety off, finger off the trigger. (You have to maintain discipline, even in possible crisis situations.)
And it was a stupid cat! I think it was splotchy orange & white. How cats make that much noise is beyond me. I thought they were supposed to be stealthy. They never make that much noise when I'm looking to hit them with a baseball bat, let me tell ya.
So I told the crazy person about it and got laughed at. I told someone non-crazy (errr... maybe they are... it's likely up for debate) and they agreed those things must be taken seriously.
Cats LOVE disturbing me too. They frequently poop in the ground cover (I think it's Ivy, maybe there's some catnip mixed in?) next to my next-door neighbor's house which faces my kitchen door. Which as I mentioned I often keep open. They make so much noise in there, the first two times it happened I reached for my gun, thinking someone is screwing around in my driveway. Now I just yell at them, recognizing the sound.
And since I moved the PC onto the kitchen table, I keep seeing this B&W cat roaming my backyard. Over and over. Back and forth in my line of sight. And now it's got a grey kitten pal accompanying him/her.
I know they're not doing anything to deserve me hating them, but I do anyway. Hate them, that is. Stupid cats.
I bet if I put the badly-limping one that shows up from time to time out of its misery with my sledgehammer and hang its corpse up as a warning to others, they'll stop coming around.
Ya think?
Labels: animals
posted by mmaier2112 at 12:55 PM
3 Comments:
.22 air rifle. Blowgun would be even quieter. Shoot, shovel and shut up. In the words of Chris Rock, "I ain't sayin' it's right... but I understand".
I guess that's mean. It's not the cat's fault. He's just doing what comes naturally. It's the stupid humans with cats.
Most cat "owners" think nothing of giving their cats free run of the neighborhood so they can leave their footprints on neighbors' cars, mess up flowerbeds, leave unpleasant surprises in your kid's sandbox, and yowl and rut and fight at all hours of the night. But these cat "owners" (they're the cat's staff, really) would be the first to call animal control if they saw their neighbor's dog in their front yard.
Oooh no you don't!
I have several cats (argh!) and I ...enjoy them, sometimes.
But dog is way cool!
I just need to mow the back lawn more often. I think these cats are having too much fun fantasizing that they're lions in the grasslands.
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