Nick Swisher is taking Fucking Faggot Lessons From A-Rod

"Waaaaaahhhhhhhh! It hit my SHIRT!"

What a fucking douche!

Almost as good as that cocksucking A-Rod trying to FAKE a foul ball catch last night. The fucking Skankees just cannot help themselves. I hope those fucking cunts choke on their own vomit.

Fuck those cunts.

And fuck those faggot Yankee fans. I saw a dipshit kid with a PINK Yankees shirt on. Does he even know he's gay yet?

(Kids, THIS is why you don't drink 100 proof whiskey.)

Pretty Cool Place To See a Ball Game

From the Red Sox Insider email:
And speaking of Wakefield, I have to say, seeing him announced as an All-Star on Sunday, was one of the most memorable moments in my career working here. It's not every day that I actually get to watch the games as a fan, sitting in the seats, but on Sunday, I had the chance to sit and watch the game, rather than working in the office and watching on TV. As the Sox took the field in the top of some inning (I can't even remember which it was), they announced the Red Sox players one-by-one who had been selected to the All-Star team. Wakefield, being the last alphabetically, was fittingly the last to be announced. I honestly got chills, as Carl Beane (our Public Address Announcer) said, "...and selected to his first..." Upon hearing the word "first," the whole crowd erupted in a raucous standing ovation. I turned to a couple of my co-workers who were sitting next to me and said, "Seriously, this is why we have the best fans in the world." And I really mean that.

Fenway Park simply rocks. There is something truly sweet about those old parks.

Truly Bitter Sweet.

Watching my former favorite ball player strike out by the Red Sox.

WHY, Johnny Damon? WHY did you have to go there?

Oh well. To paraphrase Bill Simmons on Pedro: "It's not Damon's fault someone out there will overpay him."

It just really sucked to have him go to the Skankees.

This Could So Be a "Made For ESPN" Movie

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/manny_ramirez_to_david_ortiz_road

Red Sox Reflections...

... another year in the books. Pretty dang close to getting back-to-back World Series appearances.

The Red Sox just didn't get it done. Their pitching wasn't good enough and they didn't swing the bat well enough either. They stranded a ton of runners and in the end it cost them.

They got beat, but thankfully not 4-1 as I feared. As much as I bitch about how the Sox could have saved me time and stress by not making it to game 7, I really enjoyed this series overall.

My biggest disappointment this ALCS was Big Papi. I had hoped his 3 run shot in game 5 was a return rather than a fluke.

I remember watching Johnny Damon struggling in 2004. He came to the plate and my brother David was dogging him. I said "home run right here". And he did it. It shook him right out of his slump. He even got that Grand Slam in game 7. (Though those might be the same play, for some reason I think they weren't. I want to say it was in the first round, I'm not sure.)

I wish Ortiz could have done the same thing this time. He just didn't have a spark this year, sad to say. I wonder how much losing Manny (that stupid rat bastard) affected his spirits.

Oh well. There's always next year.

I'm Gonna Puke...

The Red Sox just got within one run. 7-6 Tampa.

JD Drew just blasted a two run homer. I really feel sick to my stomach.

And I'm not drunk.

UPDATE: 12:09. Tie game. Youkilis up. 9th, 2 and 2 and 2 outs. Some 7 pitches for this at bat.

Now full count... crazy throw to 1st goes into the stands. Youk proceeds to second.

They're walking Bay to get to Drew.

My stomach's churning... I fucking hate sports.

FINAL UPDATE: going back to Tampa. I still feel as though I'm gonna hurl.

I really, really hate sports. But I LOVE THAT DIRTY WATER...

As Mike Turns To The Straight Gin...

UPDATE: This blogging MASTERPIECE gets not a single fucking comment??? WTF?

We're down 5-1 in the third.

Shit.

UPDATE:
Now, just cuz the game is pissing me off, I turned on every single light in the house to counter the stupid "energy conservation" bullshit they're lecturing me on. Fuck 'em.

UPDATE: 7-1. Fuck it. I'm just downing a shot every time TB scores. I'll probably be dead by the end of the game the way the fucking Sox are playing.

UPDATE: Runner walked into home. 8-1. Can you pickle your liver in one evening?

UPDATE: Blooper drops. 9-1. Shit. I wonder if I can actually make it through this game without passing out? I wanted to play Halo 3 after...

UPDATE: 10-1. I think I made a serious mistake deciding to do this. Should make Halo very interesting. I have to plug in my headset so I can scream drunken vulgarities.

Inter-TB-scoring update: I haven't binge drank for a very long time. Actually, the last time was some 17 months ago (yup, THAT time...). My guts are on fire. The likelihood of my getting to work tomorrow is plummeting somewhat dangerously.

UPDATE: MOTHER FUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? GET A MOTHER FUCKING FAGGOT RAY OUT ALREADY! I'M GOING TO DIE OF ALCOHOL POISONING CUZ OF THE FUCKING RED SOX FUCKING DEFENSE! 11-1, BTW.

"A Boston Massacre" says the TBS Annoucnner asshole fuckhead. YA FUCKING THING?

sHIT.

I can't even finish this 11 score shot. It's just sitting there... taunting me. I shouldn't drink it. I don't wanna puke in my living room.

Come on, Sox. Fucking do something. Pull off the miracle already...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=manny

You know, Manny is a stupid fuckhead. What dkind of moron hires a dude that has an incentive to not work with the management?

Fuck. Inning over. I think it was the 7th... nope. Only the fucking 6th.

I really didn't intend to have advaneures of Durken Blogger tonight. What a shitty evening.

And yes, I am fully aware of my misspellings. Firefox poins them out for me and I'm sort of liking how it does so.
Fuck

Hewy Jason! W@hat does this remind you of?

mIKE: "Fuck!" (runs away) (SPLASH!)

wHY IS STHERE A MOSQUITO IN MY HOSUE? FUCKING MOSTQ2UITOS.

Fuck it. I'm not fixing my typos. It's honesty in blogging.

I can only imagine what it's like to read this blog entry. I would guess it is wsort of like watching a car wreck. You know what's oing to bhappne, but you can't do anything about it.

UPDATE: *(10:14) If I see the Sox pitchers shien the shoes of the TB cocksuckers one more fucking time... I'm going outside and killing a cat with my .45.

UPDATE: 10:17 Big Papi just tripled. FUCK YEAH!!! Okay, I am retoractively giving meself one VOMIT CREDIT for every point the Sox score. I already used the Ortiz score puke poitn.

BY THE WAY! I want to bitch about the stupid announcers saying "the bigger strke szone is okay" in game 3. Fuck that. That' is all.

Aslo, I shoudl ttotally have a wife. She could sitdrctact me with blowljobs to ease my mood.

Fuck. 12-2. BRB.

13-2. I stuck with it. Drikning two shots in like two minutes. oh boy

At least Gordons Gin is cheap. I can drink it and puke uit up without feeling too bad about wasting too much dough.

I think I'm making a mockery of the idea of "drinking responsibly".

What the fuck? All of a sudden, I'm typing like a hot red-headed secreatry . Okay, maye not .

HEY!!! FENWAY IS STEALING JASON'S WEDDING THEME SONG! SEWWEETT CAROLINE........... DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNNN

I am SO very much saing this theread for my kids to show the evils aof the driknign.

Shit. Spilled half my shot.

But we just scored so I have two PUKE CRDITS. So I guess I won't feel obligated to drink another half shot.

Wierd how well I can type while trashed drunk.

mAN THE band Boston rocks. The guitarist has such badass tone! I'm gonna put that CD in my PC right now and crank it while I watch the rest of this shitty game.

Shit. My PC speakers are n't nearly as loud as I want. But I guess I'm stuck until after the game.

whaoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! Now I have 3 puke curedits.

UPDATE: end of the 8th. 9 point deficit, one inning. No problem.

And in the midst of my masterpiece, Blogger starts fucking up. Figures.

FUCK A DONKE3Y. 3 TO 1 LEAD FOR THE FUCKING FAGGOT TAMPA BAY FUCKHEADS.

One last to the b4im shot and then I be done. Work tomorrow be ducking dmang.ed.

.
Okay. I'm done for now. going to Halo 3. See you lunatics later.

Well after Blogger went psycho and wouldn't let me post... here I am signing off for the night.

AFter missing the toilet rather egregiously with mobth urine and vomit, I think I might have to avoid drinking for a while.

I NEED THE SEASON PASS!

I wish I could watch every game. There's some games I'd take time off work to go home and watch if I had the Season Pass from DirecTV.

I'd get to watch stuff like THIS.

and this NO HITTER! Wow.

Baseball rocks. But without being able to watch all the games, I don't keep up even on the standings as much as I should (DANG IT! We're down to 5th best in the MLB!) cuz it just reminds me of the games I don't get to watch. And the Red Sox are on ESPN way more than most teams.

Dang it all. Stupid financial responsibilities...

OUCH!

"The visitors, who had won 10 straight and 21 of 22, were embarrassed. The Sox pounded 16 hits in the first five innings. Rockies reliever Franklin Morales recorded two outs and gave up seven runs. He was followed by Ryan Speier, who walked three consecutive batters with the bases loaded. Eddie Cicotte of the 1919 White Sox didn't do that badly
and he was trying to lose."

From HERE.

1-0! 1st inning!

WOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Amazing Analysis...

Fox's broadcast team for the World Series just said both teams are going to try and win tonight.

I hope they're paid TONS of dough for such brilliance.

Thank You Taco Bell!

NOT for the painful gas and cramping from my 2am binge this weekend... NO!

I am thanking Taco Bell for their free taco giveaway promoted during the World Series. They're saying if anyone steals a base, everyone in the country gets a free taco.

I could care less about the taco, but it's inspired some funny shit tonight on the broadcast.

First was the announcers debating if the balk by Rockies pitcher qualifies for anything.

"So do we get something for the balk?"
"No."
"No guacamole? No chips?"
"No."

There seem a bit of panic in the 2nd guy's voice, as though he was desperate to avoid a lawsuit filed by Taco Bell's legal department.

Then the two Boston players talking about the giveaway in the dugout... great stuff.

I Don't Think I'm Normal...

as a sports fan. The Red Sox are going back to the World Series and I feel it's bittersweet. We won by nine runs, but I can't help but keep thinking of the blown call on Kenny Lofton at 2nd base. The replay showed him safe. But they called him out. I don't even really blame the ref because of how close it was. And Manny made a great play off of the wall.

But it still feels wrong to celebrate somehow. I am so weird.

Another Copyright Violation?

From Bill Simmons' game 4 diary here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/071016

If you don't read his column, you're cheating yourself.

My favorite samples:

9:00: Just checked my reader e-mails and here was the latest one, from Mike in Boston: "J.D. Drew has completely ruined my Red Sox experience. I can't believe we have four more years of him. I can honestly say if I had the money, I would give the Red Sox the $60 million they STILL owe Drew, if they, in turn, would drop him. Do you think we could start a fund? You have the means to reach more people. Start it up. I swear I'll send the first $1,000 and $25 per week. The sad part is, I don't think I'm kidding!"

(Let's just say the J.D. Drew signing hasn't gone over too well.)

9:08: You know what I noticed? Fox isn't using its "Fox Trax" feature as much tonight (in which replays a pitch to see if it cracked the strike zone or not). Maybe the umpires threatened to go on strike after what happened Monday night, when Fox Trax made the Game 3 umpire come off like a drunker version of Frank Drebin in "The Naked Gun."

9:56: Shot of Dice-K staring mournfully from the dugout as Wake desperately tries to fend off the Tribe. After six months under the Boston microscope, poor Dice looks like he's constantly filming his own hostage video. But, hey, you can't possibly expect to get a sure thing for $103 million these days.

10:05: I might not be able to describe what McCarver just told us without you thinking I made it up, but let's try: Over the span of 45 seconds, he just explained that a leadoff home run leads to more multirun innings than a leadoff walk, only he made it sound like this was some sort of remarkable revelation or something. Did we just watch a sketch for Joe Buck's late-night show? That just happened, right?

(Rewinding game on TiVo.)

10:06: Yup, it just happened. So if you're keeping track at home, multirun innings happen more often when they're started off by a home run instead of a walk. Thank you, Tim McCarver.

[Me: I'm really glad he wrote that. It sort of hurt my brain trying to follow what he was saying last night. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.]

11:18: Mark from Philly offers an inspiring defense for Manny's home run preening: "When Manny went deep, my first thought was, 'Quit posing, Manny, we're still down 7-3.' Then it dawned on me that Manny probably had no idea what the score was. In fact, he probably isn't aware that baseball games are determined by which team scores more runs. Manny's only point of differentiation comes when, after hitting a home run, he sees his teammates waiting for him at home plate -- it's at that point he knows it's time to go to the strip club."

11:33: Crisp lines out to first. Three outs. Our final score: Cleveland 7, Boston 3.

I'm not willing to wave the white flag yet, but we're damned close. The reason Cleveland deserves to advance to the World Series is the same reason Colorado advanced: The baseball playoffs aren't like the NBA playoffs, in which you can keep advancing with three or four big guns carrying you. For a championship baseball team, everyone chips in from Player No. 1 to Player No. 25. You have three or four heroes per game, everyone seems like they're loose and having fun, and when you're looking back afterward, sometimes you can't even figure out which guy should have been the MVP. That's how the Red Sox won in 2004, and that's how the Indians and Rockies are winning in 2007. There's nothing more to say.

[I am totally in agreement with this one.]

The Red Sox Are Cockteases...

I was giving up in the 6th.

Then Youkilis and Ortiz knock out back to back homers.

Now I have to keep watching (it's a commercial now).

I fucking hate sports.

EDIT: Man... this sucks. 7th inning stretch and even back to back to back homers can't seem to help us much.

I'm ready to cry like Shane White reading about the next Pacers player being arrested.

Cleveland Played Good Ball Tonight

although I do hate that awful strike call on Manny. He shoulda gotten a walk.

Instead he gets a horrific called strike.

It very well may have changed the outcome of the game.

Dang it.

Such be sports.

Yeah, This About Sums It Up:

"Watching the faces of young Red Sox fans, loyally hanging in until 1:30 only to be treated to the comedic stylings of Gagne, was like seeing the family dog attack and devour a group of cute baby rabbits. Talk about a lack of return on investment; it’s difficult to imagine a worse way to drop $1,500. You just spent a grand and a half to be accused of child abuse by obnoxious, equally tired fans sitting on their couches at home, wondering how you could do this to your child. I’d say those families are in serious danger of missing church today."

WHAT THE FUCK???????

How the FUCK do the FUCKING Red FUCKING Sox FUCKING lose FUCKING THREE FUCKING GAMES TO THE FUCKING TORONTO FUCKING BLUE FUCKING JAYS?????

GOD FUCKING DAMN THE FUCKING RED FUCKING SOX!!!!!

1.5 FUCKING games ahead of the FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING YANKEES!

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK????

Sawx No Hitter? I Missed It.

Of course. Figures. I was busy eating like a pig and getting buzzed on a fruity cocktail.

And I missed a no hitter.

Fuck a rock.

Jay? Dave? Didja watch it? Hope so.

25 Left, 6 up!

Whew... starting to breathe a bit easier. It sure ain't over yet. And if anyone can blow it... it's the Sawx.

But the numbers are nice to see right now. Although Seattle is seriously letting me down here. Bastards.