I'm Better Than Kreskin!

THE INDIANA (INDIANAPOLIS?) FEVER ARE ONE GAME AWAY FROM THE CHAMPIONSHIP!

It's halftime right now... Fever down by two points.

And now I will use my amazing predictive abilities here... IF the Fever wins the WNBA CHAMPIONSHIP:

1 - Instead of overturning cars, someone will overturn a magazine to look for their keys.

2 - Instead of burning down a neighborhood, some guy will light a candle cuz he thinks it will help him get laid.

3 - Instead of guys rioting downtown about the Fever, they'll get together and yell at a bar to watch the baseball playoffs.

4 - Someone will rob a liquor store. Cuz that happens everyday anyway.

5 - 75% of Indianapolis will not even notice. But 98% of our dyke population will, because they're sporting mullets in the Conseco Fieldhouse crowd as we speak.

First Time I Can Thing Of

that a guy got fined for criticizing the officials for screwing someone else!

From HERE.

I'm not a golf guy, but Tiger Woods seems pretty cool. And he has a smoking hot wife. And he always seems to tell racially-obsessed dolts to piss off (in a nicer manner than I would).

Nice to see such classy behavior. (Yeah, I know I shouldn't use the word class on this blog or in the real world.)

IMPORTANT Discussions about SPORTS!!!

HERE.

Just Submitted to the Sports Dude...

You and "Joe the Guy, Boston" both need to reach right between your legs and make sure you're both still guys.

Anyone that attempts to reference "League of Their Own" in a serious sports discussion has obviously had their balls removed via some sick and twisted procedure.

Get a freaking grip on your cajones, dude.

I know I'm tanked on... some number of shots of gin (I started drinking one shot per Tampa Bay runs scored in game 4 after they went up 6-1 and I lost count somewhere) but at least I know I'm still a man.

You and Joe might want to check to make sure.

Michael Maier
Indianapolis

I NEED THE SEASON PASS!

I wish I could watch every game. There's some games I'd take time off work to go home and watch if I had the Season Pass from DirecTV.

I'd get to watch stuff like THIS.

and this NO HITTER! Wow.

Baseball rocks. But without being able to watch all the games, I don't keep up even on the standings as much as I should (DANG IT! We're down to 5th best in the MLB!) cuz it just reminds me of the games I don't get to watch. And the Red Sox are on ESPN way more than most teams.

Dang it all. Stupid financial responsibilities...

OUCH!

I say again: OUCH!

(Hat tip to Dave, I'm not sure I can say thanks as I'm creeped out by this one.)

THIS Stuff Is Why YOU Should Read "The Sports Guy"

"So ... yeah. I manage a bar in Boston, and after the worst Boston sports moment since 2003, the phone began to ring ... a total of 11 calls came in from random people in New York, 411-ing bars in Boston to heckle us. One of the bartenders is from Chicago, and she was completely perplexed. I simply explained, "This is why we hate New York so much." She nodded and said, "Now I see." I don't care how awful Boston sports fans can be, have any of us ever 411-ed New York bars? No, we simply roll cars with New York plates onto their roofs.
-- Matt B., Boston

ME: Or smash the windshields of cars with INDIANA license plates... even though they have Pats stickers in the windows... dipshits.

From The Sports Guy Mailbag column HERE.

More:

"You didn't jinx the Pats two weeks ago or in November. I just saw the last half hour of "The Karate Kid" and realized you completely hosed them with the first time you made Cobra Kai Yankees reference. Didn't you remember that Cobra Kai, while seemingly invincible, LOST in the end and their leader (John Kreese) turned on them after it was over (and was humiliated by Mr. Miyagi). Now I'm terrified of this offseason. YOU DID THIS! Now I have to hate the Giants, Daniel and YOU! With one reference you killed the Patriots' season, a good movie and possibly this offseason. Thanks. Please don't write anything about KG.
-- Mike M., Fort Worth, Texas"

(You're the BEST... AROUND!!! Nobody's ever gonnna keep ya down... You're the BEST! AROUND!!!) Full lyrics HERE. Man, I so thank God that Al Gore invented the Internet!

Anyway, go read the whole thing. If you hate the Pats and Simmons, it's still a fun read.

Just Iron My Shirt, Bitch!

From HERE.

"From small-town life to the national stage, from the boardroom to Capitol Hill, athletic contests help define what we mean in America by "success." And by keeping women from "playing with the boys" on the grounds that they are inherently inferior to men, society relegates them to second-class status in American life."

and

"In this forcefully argued book, Eileen McDonagh and Laura Pappano show in vivid detail how women have been unfairly excluded from participating in sports on an equal footing with men."

Just how intellectually dishonest is this shit? Leaving aside the simple fact that almost every single Olympic record set by females has been beaten by boys in high school... can you imagine this working anywhere?

What female is going to quality for any high school football team? In ANY high school? Basketball? Baseball? Come on! This is pathetic bleating by femerrhoid whining bitches.

Virtually no females would make any high school teams. And we'd have to endure endless bleating by these fucking sheep about how "discrimination" is why girls don't get on the field when the team is down in the 4th quarter. There would be ceaseless lawsuits alleging sexual bias. Even though every decision could be made on merit and still it would preclude girls from playing in almost every situation.

(YouTube has pulled my previously-linked video... it had three UNCONTESTED DUNKS in the WNBA All-Star game in a row. Two of them were missed. Again, HIGH SCHOOL boys dunk. The female ALL-STAR PROs cannot.)

Plus it forces guys to either beat women down or let them breeze by to score. And that's a no-win for the guys. Either they give away points or they beat the girls down like they were guys and get accused of roughing them up.

Want to blow this shit out of the water? Tell anyone espousing this garbage that you absolutely agree and think we should immediately integrate all prisons too.

Watch the backpedaling double-talking bullshit come out real quick.

I am so sick of lying liberal douches. They don't intend for one second to treat female equally. They just want ever-increasing reasons to bleat.

Nice Pass, TO!

Nuff said.

The Good Vs. Evil Football Game Review - Second Half

I'm not happy about us losing. But just like with the Cleveland game where Lofton was called out when he wasn't, I would not have been happy winning with the biased ref-ing in this game.

I felt it was very much lopsided in the Colts favor.

Good game, but ruined by shitty calls.

The Good Vs. Evil Football Game Review - First Half

Pre-game
Jason texts me "Go Pats!". Thanks, Jay!

1st quarter

12:36 God awful "reception" by the Colts called by the ref with the perfect POV. How hard is that job? How much more do they need to pay for good refs?

I have to wonder if the NFL WANTS the Colts to win to punish the "evil" Pats.

10:15 (not even sure about the time) I have to wonder this ref'ing even further, maybe. That looked like offensive pass interference but my Mom was over here distracting me from the game at that precise moment. And I am without Tivo.

2nd quarter - around 9:00 awful pass interference call on Hobbes. The NFL's refs are starting to look as pathetic and biased as the NBA's.

OUCH!

"The visitors, who had won 10 straight and 21 of 22, were embarrassed. The Sox pounded 16 hits in the first five innings. Rockies reliever Franklin Morales recorded two outs and gave up seven runs. He was followed by Ryan Speier, who walked three consecutive batters with the bases loaded. Eddie Cicotte of the 1919 White Sox didn't do that badly
and he was trying to lose."

From HERE.

Great Idea!

I WOULD Echo This Sentiment...

but I'd be lying. I'm too cheap!

Bounty On Tom Brady's Knees!

(Hat tip to Jeanne over at Vox's blog for the link!)

This one goes out to Dave & Jay!

For the record, I'm really worried about this next game. I hope the Colts pull it off, but the Patsies are looking f'in tough.

1-0! 1st inning!

WOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Amazing Analysis...

Fox's broadcast team for the World Series just said both teams are going to try and win tonight.

I hope they're paid TONS of dough for such brilliance.

Thank You Taco Bell!

NOT for the painful gas and cramping from my 2am binge this weekend... NO!

I am thanking Taco Bell for their free taco giveaway promoted during the World Series. They're saying if anyone steals a base, everyone in the country gets a free taco.

I could care less about the taco, but it's inspired some funny shit tonight on the broadcast.

First was the announcers debating if the balk by Rockies pitcher qualifies for anything.

"So do we get something for the balk?"
"No."
"No guacamole? No chips?"
"No."

There seem a bit of panic in the 2nd guy's voice, as though he was desperate to avoid a lawsuit filed by Taco Bell's legal department.

Then the two Boston players talking about the giveaway in the dugout... great stuff.

I Don't Think I'm Normal...

as a sports fan. The Red Sox are going back to the World Series and I feel it's bittersweet. We won by nine runs, but I can't help but keep thinking of the blown call on Kenny Lofton at 2nd base. The replay showed him safe. But they called him out. I don't even really blame the ref because of how close it was. And Manny made a great play off of the wall.

But it still feels wrong to celebrate somehow. I am so weird.

Brilliant Analysis!

"I did figure out why Belicheat thought it was ok to tape the defensive signals. He thought that the Patriot Act applied to them and he labeled his opponents as enemy combatants." ---- equus pallidus over at Vox's blog.

Yeah, This About Sums It Up:

"Watching the faces of young Red Sox fans, loyally hanging in until 1:30 only to be treated to the comedic stylings of Gagne, was like seeing the family dog attack and devour a group of cute baby rabbits. Talk about a lack of return on investment; it’s difficult to imagine a worse way to drop $1,500. You just spent a grand and a half to be accused of child abuse by obnoxious, equally tired fans sitting on their couches at home, wondering how you could do this to your child. I’d say those families are in serious danger of missing church today."