"If You're Gonna Spew... Spew Into This."

From an email I got at work the other day:

"Subject: China King 38th & Post Rd
How to begin.

A person from IPAC went there last evening to get a to go order.

While waiting for someone to assist her, she witnessed a cook SPIT into a pot on the cooker.

She changed her mind about eating and was leaving when the girl behind the counter showed up and asked to take her order.

She said she had changed her mind since she saw the man SPIT into the pot on the stove.

The waitress said they did not know anyone was here.

This person has called the State Board of Health and reported it today."

(Red emphasis mine.)

I love this planet. I have a riding buddy that went to the same place one night. He watched the cook blow his nose, wipe it clean and then go right back to making his food without washing his hands.

Someone else from work said they watched their delivery guy drop a bag of food onto the sidewalk, scoop up the entree off the ground and put it back into the container. So this person waited for the customer to pick up the order and told them what they'd witnessed.

I'm only posting this because I know there are restaurant horror stories everywhere (Dave at BK) but this one really amuses me because they seem to have a long history of this stuff and the response is just classic. "Well, you weren't supposed to SEE that." Me? I would prefer to hear "Ahhh, so. Et too hep yoo bild immunitee!"

I haven't eaten their food for years because it literally makes me puke after an hour instead of just hungry like normal folks. I think it might be shrimp allergy / cross-contamination.

That or they're taking the poo-poo platters a little too literally.

That's a KILLER Headache!

Okay, I have to put a warning on here... This is a dude DYING on camera. No joke. If you might not want to see it, don't watch it. But it is in infrared filmed from a good distance so it's not THAT bad.

Cool. Now no one can say I didn't warn them.



"Dude, rub some dirt on it!"

It's a VERRRRRYYYY Straaaannnngggeee World...

(To quote Spock's Beard.)

So there I am on the john at work. (You're welcome)

And someone comes in and sits down a few stalls down.

Then, I hear a wrapper being opened.

Then... munching.

Then the dude's mouth smacking.

You really just cannot make this stuff up.

Dude was eating on the toilet!

And there I sat (shat?), trying not to bust a gut laughing out loud. And I'm pretty sure I failed at concealing my chuckles. I couldn't help it. The situation was just beyond ridiculous.

I should have yelled: "WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT, DUDE?!? You're sosta LEAVE stuff that looks like Baby Ruth bars, not EAT them on the shitter!"

And this is the second time this has happened in less than a month.

UPDATE: Went to the can today... there's a candy wrapper in the bowl. People are REALLY messed up. Not as messed up as me getting tanked while watching the Red Sox.

A Bit Of A Philosophical Question...

Is it better to step on a slug on your doorstep in shoes and track dead slug goo all over your house...

OR...

to step on said slug with your left bare foot and be aware instantly of said slug goo and avoid trailing it all about?

Reluctantly, I say the second. Not that I had a choice in the matter.

One would think by now I'd look down while stepping outside. What's that definition of insanity again?

Doggie Diary Part 6

Dog puke is harder to clean up than dog pee.

Luckily it was just water and mucous.

Aren't you glad I share?

Can I Get A List?

Of things that are SO fucking disgusting that a dog will NOT stick it in their mouth?

That list has got to be awfully fucking short.

I don't even know what it was I just pried from Drake's mouth. I'm quite sure I don't want to know what it was either. I won't describe it for the sake of my meager audience.

But the stench is making me ill. I just rubbed whiskey up my nostrils to get the scent gone.

What WAS This?

Doing more blogging since Shane's whinging...

Came home yesterday and this:



was in my driveway. I'm not sure, but I think it was dead. I'm really not for sure cuz it was gone this morning. I didn't scoop it up cuz it was raining when I came home last night.

First (and HAPPY!) thought was that it was a cat. But the claws don't look right to me. I looked up possums and their feet/paws don't look the same either. Other than that I'm clueless of what sorta critter it could be.

It was about a foot long, BTW.

EDIT: Holy shit, is that a dog? I sure hope not. I hate to think what around here coulda done that to a freaking dog.

EDIT 2: Found it. Whatever was munching on it pulled it into the space between my garage and the fence. It looks more worked over now and reeks pretty freaking bad when you get close enough to take a pic. I'm back in the house typing this and I think I'm going to vomit.

Just Thought Of The Best Way To Explain...

Okay, now this about "2 girls, 1cup". If you know, it is really gross so don't read and whine to me later. But if you don't mind REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY gross stuff...

(As in the video described in this link is one of the sickest things I've ever seen and it's discussed in detail.)

http://www.bspcn.com/2007/12/04/2-girls-1-cup/

But anyway, if you don't mind gross shit, read it and then my comment.

Some Funny Crap...

Wow. Great stuff on smoking.


This one's especially for Jason:


The end of this one is great and on target.


Very bizarre HULK stuff.
http://kennethjohnson.us/HulkOutList.html

In the "OMG, I think I'm retarded now department":


(To quote DJ) In the "EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" department:

Loogie Lady... Hawker Hendrix, Guitar Hero!

At 1:55 on "Foxy Lady", is Hendrix hawking up a loogie and spitting??????? My version is from the Wayne's World (I) soundtrack, so others might have different mixes. Kind cool (and gross)!

Look I'm Really Sorry For What You're About To Read...

NOT!!!!

I take NO responsibility for what happens if you read this...

I do not endorse doing anything listed in the below link because:

1 - It's gross. Really gross.
2 - It contains things that could be - in some lights - be seen as being degrading to women. (I can hear someone screaming it now: "COULD? Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!")

Although:

3 - It's fucking hilarious. I almost puked reading it just now.
4 - It's TOTAL guy humour. Most females would be pissed off to read it, I would guess. (So Rachal: It's right up your alley!)

So if you still intend to read it, wait til a few hours after you've eaten and click
HERE.

This Makes My Top Ten Grossest Jokes List

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in
Western Oklahoma. He sits at the counter and
notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring
blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen
minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the
young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, 'If you
ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward
the young wrangler and in his best Okie manner says,
'Nah, go ahead.'

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and
slides the bowl over to his place and starts
spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to
the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up
the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says,
'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'

"Just One Incident"

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=7714

I love cheap labour. I wonder if they practice similar health measures in Mehico.

Salty Balls, Just Add The Chocolate! Hope they're not too SCHWEATY!

"MORE than 300 people paid $US5 ($A6) each for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles yesterday at the ninth annual Testicle Festival at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon in central Wisconsin."

From HERE.

""After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said."

So says the FAGGOT! And his first name's BUTCH! And he likes eating BALLS! Fucking homos...

I AM Such A GROSS Bastard...

I've been doing something over the last month that would likely gross out most anyone (if I told ANYONE about it). Although it's not gross at all, it's just the initial reaction would freak out many people.

But I just completely out-grossed my sick self tonight. I mean, REALLY.

What the hell is wrong with me?

EDIT: I think I'm going to puke. I keep thinking about what I did and it's making me want to spew. And I don't have a paper cup, either.

EDIT: EDIT: These are two different gross things, BTW.

Living Alone Will Be The Death Of Me...

When I first moved into my current residence, my ladder collapsed. Literally, the aluminum just folded and I bit HARD on my bedroom rug. It hurt. I lay there thinking, "Man, this HURTS!". And it did.

Luckily, nothing was broken.

I've had a few other mishaps too.

Like when I was on the phone with my brother Dave and my knee just twisted for NO REASON, literally moving the kneecap to the side of my leg. If you've never seen your kneecap on the side of your leg, count your blessings. I screamed like a little bitch and fell to the floor, losing the phone at the same time. I had to literally shove the kneecap back into place, wondering if THIS was the time it would be seriously and permanent damage. Luckily, it weren't.

Then like ten seconds ago, I was walking over to my desk with the PC on it and - being the klutz that I be - I rolled my ankle.

To keep from hurting myself (I guess that's my body's reason for its reaction) I fell to the floor. I missed smashing my chin on the desk by about an inch I reckon.

I figure some day my family will notice I've not been heard from for a week and my corpse will be rotting in the bathtub with two broken legs. Along with mice eating out my eyes and crotch (I hear they like the soft meat best).

Not a pretty picture, but oh well.

Such is the curse of us that don't have wenches handy.

Guess I have to go find one.

Warning! Don't Look On A Full Stomach!

http://home1.gte.net/res0ak9f/bike.htm

I look at this site every once in a while to remind me NOT to ride my Ninja without helmet or sturdy pants.

I'm very guilty of wearing jeans on the Ninja FAR too often. I really need to stop that.

Anyway, the pics get REALLY bad on down the page.

Just warning you.

For Guys Only: Whence Come The Booger Bandits?

You know, those guys that deposit their boogers above the urinal? What the hell is with that? When I'm whizzing, why would I want to see that little brown or greenish booger posted above the urinal?

How strange.

Why not just blow your damn nose?

Why pick and stick?

I hate people.

I really do.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! (That Takes REAL Guts!)

From HERE.

Read the whole thing.

My Brother Wanted To Know Why I'd Link To This...

Interesting recipe...